Several weeks ago, a client found a new job that seemed ideal for them. Three weeks into the job, they called me to rave about how things were going and how happy they were their decision to take it. Three weeks later, they were in crisis. They were extremely stressed out and hadn't had a day off in three weeks. The things that they had been promised and needed in order to be successful – the processes, the infrastructure, the support team – were absent. My client raised concerns that were answered with lip service. Help was promised, but never materialized. The message was that my client just needed to suck it up.
My client had been set up for failure and was so frustrated! The position would be ideal without these obstacles. My client had confidence they could do it, but at what cost to themselves? My client couldn't see a path forward, couldn't see how their managers would be able to fix the problems with all the obstacles they kept saying were in the way. After all, if it was easy, it would already have been fixed. I wonder if their managers knew when they were making all those promises that they weren't going to keep any of them.
After talking through the circumstances and how my client was feeling, we were able to identify a lot more options than my client was able to access when they were feeling forced into the "hero" role of having to solve everything on their own.
My client chose to write an ultimatum and resignation letter in one, listing the items that needed to be fixed in the next two weeks, or they would leave at the end of that period. I helped them write their letter. My client said that no matter what happened, leading with the confidence to take this action made them feel empowered.
I don't think I've ever worked with a client to take such decisive and potentially bridge-burning action before in navigating how to quit a toxic job, and I don't think it's likely that I will again.
While stories like this can feel inspiring, what someone else did is rarely right for you and your situation. That's one of the things I love about coaching – it helps you find actions that are exactly right for you to lead with confidence.
After my client sent the letter, their second-line supervisor contacted them immediately to thank them for bringing these issues to their attention. They now had a checklist of what to fix thanks to our letter, and they said they would make things right. But at the end of the two weeks, nothing had been fixed. This isn't surprising considering my client needed to write this letter in the first place. While my client hoped for a way things could change, we knew this was their "how to quit a toxic job" path forward.
But that didn't stop my client's supervisors from trying to convince my client that things were going well and that my client just needed to stick it out a bit more. My client chose to honor the terms of their letter and leave. They are at peace with their decision to leave and their choice to send the letter as their final attempt to be able to stay.
If you're ready to empower yourself and lead with confidence, schedule a 90-minute confidence catalyst session with me to work on one challenge in your job. If you're not sure where to even get started and need some clarity, schedule a 2-hour ELI with me. Or schedule a time to talk about other options to work with me.
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